Virus I Forgive You

Hello Beautiful, Hello virus

I see you. I will never leave you. I am with with you, always.

Can I be just a little bit honest? You scare me, tremendously. I don’t understand you. I don’t understand all your little parts, and - no offense, really - but you sort of seem like an awful little microscopic slug that wants to feast on my material being, and on the human bodies of all these people I love.

I’m not cool with that, at all.

So here’s what I’m gonna do. I’mna look right at you. I’mna look you in the eyes. I am not going to scream at you. I am not going to scream at any of the others. I am going to look you in your tiny ity-bity invisible-to-the-human-eye little intake-of-understanding portal (I know you have true intelligence virus, I know that very well) and say to you - I love you.

Do you hear me? Now I will scream it for you clearly. I LOVE YOU.

I love you dearly.

And I want you to know I mean that sincerely.

See how I’m rhyming? I can play games too, just like you - I can sneak into the consciousness, into the collective consciousness of all human thinking - and plant, in the very middle of that glowing amorphous machine, a droplet; the inception of an idea. I plop there in the confluence of all human happening, of all human intellectual melding - the pop of a happy thought: you are not scary. You’re just a little critter.

You’re just a squiggly little bugger. Aren’t you? Aren’t you now? (I’m talking to you like a baby because you are so little. Wink, wink.)

Hey little dude, I’m looking at you - you; a little ball of grey squishiness with sticky red tendrils (that’s how the humans draw you; depict you on the electronic’s screen) - I see you. I see you and I know you’ve got things to say. Of course you can’t talk, that’s ridiculous. It’s not like you have a hole in your face with a rubbery tongue and a hollow tube through which air may pass through, vibrating cords of resonate tones. That’s what we do! That’s the human mode of information translation. And you’re sort of brand new, you’re kind of the first rung on an evolutionary ladder of infinite breadth in all directions, so… you don’t know how to do that yet; the talking out loud thing. I get that.

So maybe instead… I could try listening. Not with my ears, I know we just covered the impossibility of hearing your virus-self squeak a little sentence proportional in volume to the magnitude of your tiny little bundle of genes. But maybe I could try listening… through other means.

Maybe if I stay quite, maybe if I stay silent and fill up with stillness for just long enough… maybe then I could feel your thoughts.

It’s worth a shot.

Wait… wait, slow down… what’s that you impart? Wait, hold on little guy… remember I’m new to this heart-sensing art… okay, okay… yes… yes I heard that firmly. Yes, yes… you said it clearly. We woke you up.

We woke you up and you would like to go back to sleep. You were deep in the slumber of a cosmic genetic swirl and then we came along screaming about things - about dos and don’ts, about rights and wrongs, about “he said this” and “she said that,” about I want and I need and give me or I’ll scream until all the glass shatters and we’re left with nothing but rooms and rooms filled with sharp edges and nowhere to step. And all that clang and clatter, all that human arguing; a tension-strung reverberation of such violent humming… it woke you up. It seeped into the cracks of collective genetic coding; an over-arching grand summation of all ancestral lineage, of all things seamlessly connected buzzing as One through a concurring and perpetually recurring duplication synthesis, a supreme majesty of mirrored identity, of all things aligned accordingly within the framework, within the network of One intelligence - and snapped your bed! The floors shook and the walls crumbled, the shrill drone of human hostility decimated - through all that raucous blaming - your atomically tight little shell. You had no choice but to crawl out from under the muck of our haphazard doing - and investigate, for yourself - what all the noise was about! And you can’t understand the madness behind the human mind if you do not view the impression - the exhibit, the work in question; all of externality - from within the human walls. So... you did what you had to do; you mutated! And you crawled inside. You showed up because we worried, and we fret, and fought so much - that a part of ourselves, that part of ourselves expressing as energy (in essence, the human totality) transformed, it modified to match the initiating gene. And thus you shape-shifted from an entity dormant; incapable of accessing the human mechanism… to a destructive enormity most curious and locked on target; the human being a victim of our own undoing. You showed up because you are a part of me - because we are all, all living entities so intimately connected - that wasn’t feeling heard. You showed up because you are a part of me that wasn’t feeling heard because all the other parts of me, and all the other humans… are screaming too loudly. You showed up, because I’m screaming back. You showed up, because like a mirror, all things reflect. You showed up because we willed you into existence. And there may be some thinkers, who disagree with that. And to any thinker who does not reflect first upon the mirror in thy own bathroom, who does not first attune to thy own thoughts seeking harmony of self before thinking to discredit, to refute, to attack… you view, with your shapeless curious thirsty little eyes - a weakened immune system, you view cracks to sneak into. For true immunity resides within the heart, within the harmony of self-loving, and self-forgiving.

Huh.

Well damn. Okay little guy… I do it. I’ll say what needs to be said. I’ll lull you back to sleep. I’ll put this thing to rest.

Human being… listen up. Listen closely. Or maybe… just listen in whatever way you can.

I love you. And there isn’t anything you can do to eradicate the tether from my heart to yours. I don’t care about your politics, I don’t care about your gender, I don’t care how much money you do or don’t make, or what you spend it on, I don’t care how you choose to make a living, I don’t care if you’ve done bad things. I don’t care if you’ve done some of the worst things imaginable. I'm just sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m just sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me most, so that you could’ve chosen - something lighter, something brighter. I’m just sorry I wasn’t there for you so that we could’ve walked the path together.

But you know what, I’m going to do better.

I’m going to start now.

And I’m always going to remember how much lighter, how much brighter - I beam, I walk, I sing, I dance, I exist in all ways and through all things - with you at my side, our hands held together. I love, and I forgive.