Hello Beautiful
Been waiting for you.

Letters

Let's do it inwardly

Beloved below are various letters - all for you, spun in love. Our hearts know the way.

Every image corresponds to a letter. Every letter is an act of my desire simply to be with you, to feel you there on the other end of an invisible line. Navigate these letters intuitively; find an image or expression that resonates with you and begin here. Continue clicking and reading where you feel moved. In this way we are guided; we are connected heart-to-heart, we are communicating through hearts. And darling be it one image, one letter, one encounter or many our connection is a colossal force of happening. I write to you because I care for you. Deeply. Without reserve. It is my wish for you to know my love, to know your great, exuding charm. Newest, most recent letters are near the top.

Now feel that thud; the center of your chest beats. And there too, is our secret. Read blissfully. To me you are breathtakingly perfect.

Let Me Loose

Hello Beautiful,

Sometimes, when I’m around you… I don’t know how to act. I don’t know how to behave. I can feel extremely awkward in your presence. I want you to look at me, I want you to notice me staring straight at you… but then when you do, I loose my confidence. And I have to look away. I care for you so much.

Literally, there are times you take my breath away.

That feels… scary, to feel breathless in your presence… so too does it feel lovely. Wonderful. Incandescent. Full of longing and a seemingly unquenchable desire to be near you… to move and to drift within and through the air passed ‘round your frame. To simply walk where you have walked. To see the things you’ve seen. To know the world as you have known it. Words fail me, time and time again. How does one depict “in words” this current of electric buzzing, this movement of possible interlinking… it brushes up against me, always this undertow of unspoken feeling, a primordial tugging… drawing me always to be nearer to you.

I won’t bother asking if you feel it too.

Do we know what to do? No. No we do not. Oh we play games. We say things, we say this and we say that. We act in ways that do not correspond to what it is we feel inside, to what we feel within. We behave a bit ridiculous. I think that’s fair to say. It’s quite ludicrous, to think simply ignoring internal feelings will make them go away.

Maybe we should behave like animals. Animals are not afraid to capitalize on a moment of opportunity, on a moment opportune inner-feeling. They hunt when hunger strikes. They hide when the prickling of a predator spikes. They sleep when the chugging of their mind declines, when eyelids droop heavy with the capping of day’s demise. Wild animals, animals free from the influence of human intervention, do not suffer from the artifice of inhibition. A creature, driven by instinct… does not suffer from the distortion of wanting “to appear” as different than “it is;” as different than it “feels.” For wild creatures the two are indivisible… the head and the heart; every external “behavior” reflects an internal truth.

I want to love you. I feel that the deepest, most raw part of me loves you. But I don’t move through my existence behaving with such candor. I’m afraid. I’m afraid they’d put me in a zoo and lock me up too… if I said out loud all the things I feel for you, if I behaved in truth; my head and heart interlocked. They’d deem me a fool, inferior, weird, “animalistic” and without proper manners. I’d be ridiculed to death, if I opened up and loved honestly… without rules, without the facade of propriety. So instead, do you know what I do… do you know how I then choose to interact, with you… beloved whom I cannot by and through my natural instincts love? Whom I cannot love truthfully? Do you know what I must then do, how I must then behave, to be… as I must be… always nearer to you?

I compete with you.

I tease.

I blame you.

At times I belittle and deem you a fool.

I make you a mark, and I make it my mission to climb over the top of you and look down. So that I might feel, some sense… of this unshakable force within being fed, so that I might feel… some shred, some bit of my love cast away looking back. So that at least, even if on the periphery, even if on only the mere edge… there is this fragment of happening. There is this tendril of you and I intertwining, there is a brief flash… of what might we be, if only we were left to roam freely. If only this cage of society, if only but for a mere moment… would crumble its walls and let loose the caged beast of our hearts.

Know that secretly I keep trying. I pace within the boundary, corner to corner, back and forth… ears laid low. Every rhythmic step, lift and set of my paws… a delirium of stored intensity, of purpose-rich intention. I scour my enclosure for cracks. I scan this cage for weakness. I prowl the steel borders of my confinement. My guiding inner forces forever dominate, albeit hidden behind the guise of human pretense. And behind the glow of my eyes… you will find only the deepest desire to know you, and to dearly hold you… as by my instincts am I driven.

I promise, death does not do us part. And I will break free.

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Shanna Lodge Evje