Hello Beautiful
Been waiting for you.

Letters

Let's do it inwardly

Beloved below are various letters - all for you, spun in love. Our hearts know the way.

Every image corresponds to a letter. Every letter is an act of my desire simply to be with you, to feel you there on the other end of an invisible line. Navigate these letters intuitively; find an image or expression that resonates with you and begin here. Continue clicking and reading where you feel moved. In this way we are guided; we are connected heart-to-heart, we are communicating through hearts. And darling be it one image, one letter, one encounter or many our connection is a colossal force of happening. I write to you because I care for you. Deeply. Without reserve. It is my wish for you to know my love, to know your great, exuding charm. Newest, most recent letters are near the top.

Now feel that thud; the center of your chest beats. And there too, is our secret. Read blissfully. To me you are breathtakingly perfect.

Call You By My Name

Hello Beautiful,

You know what I’m tired of? Lies. I’m tired of all these lies.

I’m sitting in a room and my mind is spinning. I am not who I seem to be and it’s time for me to be honest with you. It’s time to be real. It’s time to tell you the truth, and the truth is… I wish you’d stop doing stupid things. I really do. I wish you’d stop fighting over nonsense, over money and power. I wish you’d stop talking about politics. I’m tired of all the noise you make. I’m tired. I’m tired and my head hurts. I’m tired of this mess. I’m tired of your bullshit.

Stop talking, please. Seriously I need you to be quiet. What do you want? What is it that you want from me?

What is it that you really want?

Oh, let me guess. Now you won’t say anything. Figures.

I don’t know how to fix this. We seem to be broken. And I’m so frustrated with you. I don’t even know where to start. How do we fix fucking humanity? I’m pretty sure it starts right here. I’m pretty sure it starts with you and me, right here… with us.

So, say something! What is it that you want! What do you want from me? BAM.

Somewhere. Someplace. Someone… just died. Someone was just shot in the head. Someone just pulled the trigger and a light went dead. Why do you think that happens? Suicide? BAM. Murder? Rape? BAM. BAM. Why do these things exist? BAM. BAM. BAM. School shootings? Terrorism? Genocide?

I’m so tired of you.

I’m tired of your shit. And why… is there suddenly this deadly virus sweeping across the planet forcing me to confront all these thing I don’t like about us… about you and me, about our relationship… huh, humanity?

I could call you that, I could call you Humanity. Or I could call you by your name. You could spell it out, spell out your name’s every letter and place it here on this blank line _____________. And then I could say it out loud.

Huh, _____________? (That’s your name, that’s your name right there in that blank space!) I’m talking to you! What is it that you want from me? What is it that you fucking want?!

I’m tired of the charade. Let me tell it to you straight. Let me tell you, what it is I want. Let me tell you what I want from you.

I want you to care about me. You see, when I look at you… I see this beautiful thing, I see this beautiful human, and I want this beautiful human, I want you… to think I’m beautiful too. I want you to want me. And it’s my biggest fear, that you won’t. When I fear, my fear is that you don’t want me the way I want you. Or that you don’t respect me the way I want to be respected by you. And then we end up killing ourselves, and each other, just trying to make this awful feeling, the fucking misery of rejection, disappear. And then this virus shows up and makes it so that I have to look in the mirror. It makes me have to say all of this out loud because I’m stuck at home. No distractions, no vices, no to-do lists with their infinite array of excuses… just me in a little room writing a love letter to you. Just me. Just you. And this tugging at the center of my chest. What do we want?

We want look in the mirror, and feel loved and respected… by that beautiful human, looking back. And we want to look upon one another and be seen… in, of and through One Humanity… as an integral part of an unbreakable whole.

I’m sorry I picked a fight. I’m sorry I say and do such horrible things. It’s just that when I don’t feel seen, I’ll do anything to get your attention. I’ll do anything to feel powerful and to feel capable of confronting this agony of not being seen. I’ll kick. I’ll scream. I’ll kill myself and I’ll kill you. For me, you’re everything. You’re all that matters. I don’t know what else to say.

I ask for forgiveness and I forgive you. I love you so much.

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Shanna Lodge Evje